imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
