I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
