She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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