thus making me awesome and them whores
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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