I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
