That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
