...so i touched it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
