she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
