You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
