You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
