Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
