if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I see more hoeing in ur future
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
