...so i touched it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
