so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
