I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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