areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
