I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
