Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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