it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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