I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
