Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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