This girl is more easily done than said...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
