You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
