i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
