Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
