i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
