When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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