do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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