I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
