Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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