So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
