This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
