She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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