Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
