I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
