Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
