im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
look no pants
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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