Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
