I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
