I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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