I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
