U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
