I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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