It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
