I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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