I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
