The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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