Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he thought i was a dude.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
