If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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