Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
