So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
