So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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