Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
