yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
