I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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