whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
